Alright, it's obviously been a while since the last time i visited (no kidding), and i'm not going to post stuff about normalcy and how boring my routine is. Going to post some stories here at least, I have some fic that's partly done, still have to sort out some kinks in the story. I sort of envy how some people can really post interesting stuff up on their blog because they do something new every once in a while. Should probably make that habit - do something new every once in a while. lol.

14.1.12


Learn to be brave, to respect, to be a man, not a boy, to love and be loved. Just merely a few of the words of valor he repeats in his mind to attain that single personal goal, to be a better person. Though at times he finds it quite hard for himself to honor or follow by. To becoming a better person have many tried and achieved, it just wasn't his turn just yet. He wonders where he strayed, how or who to blame for his ineptness.


The new year approached and was ushered in, people think to themselves a better world, a better life, a better job, a better romance and hope, a great deal of hope. He saw it and he had hoped as well, the only task ahead was to achieve or wait for luck to bestow its generosity.


"What makes some people so happy anyway? Why can't I have the same luck, the same respect, the same friendships and the kind of love in my life that others have? What's my flaw? Is it that I haven't found myself?"


Bugger, haven't manage to come up with anything to add on atm. Onto the next post =)

Twilight Insomniac

22.12.11

Very little had gone well the last few days, weeks, maybe months. He dreads the day he made those choices, those that brought him onto this path of uncertainty, confusion and dissatisfaction. But what's done is done as they always say, now he has but no choice to move on. Time rarely waits for anyone, those it does are few and probably the gifted rich. Tonight something happened that gave him an idea, one that would give him a sense of insight and maybe a chance to look back at his life once the present's past. Under the twilight of a dimmed silver desk lamp, here begins the story of this boy, his struggles and triumphs for the watchers to view whole.

Deep within the recesses of his mind, thoughts would keep mingling with what he'd feel within him. Chances have been missed and opportunities wasted while down this chosen path. Would the next choice he made be the right one? What path will those chosen build? These are merely some of his mind. As he questions even the choices he makes in the present, his visions quaver, uncertainty seeps into every crease of thought, every pint of emotion. What does it take to finally make things right?

Seemingly close to the end of the first leg of this road, a streak of endeavors have brought him down to a weakly mindless shell. Too worthless to be worth a damn. Most times he wished there would be a day akin to those beneath the veil of carelessness, any one moment that he could breathe again and dream for better days. There was a time when battles were fought over little things and forgotten at the new dawn, times when friends were made over trusted tides and not on the basis of merely surviving through tougher days. Maybe hope itself had been blown out, his sanity merely hanging on the will to become someone out of this, to be stronger.

"Hey what time is it?"

"Erm...now, one thirty."

"Think we can finish it on time?"

"Shouldn't be a problem I guess, just keep copying hahaha."

"If only it were that easy. It's bad enough that we're copying for this. Try to improvise so it isn't obvious."

"Yeah I am, let's hope this works for now. I'll be more worried about the coming finals. Not good from the looks of this sheet."

Down the sheltered walkway what sounded like church bells chimed, it was exactly 4pm. He managed to finish in time but only just. If only he had started earlier and got more things done, as is always the case. That was his last assignment for the semester and he felt a lot less bothered with only the lingering reminder of how close his finals were nagging at the back of his mind. Now he had to head back, there were still plans for what remained of the day. This was his routine, trying to fill every nick of time with something or someone. He doesn't really know why he does it, but he sure hell doesn't want to be at home, without a task at hand.

"Hello!! Dude it's been so long since we went out!"

"Yep and you never replied my texts. Been busy I see."

"Ugh...sort of, probably had no signal in Kampar. Sorry."

"Nah it's fine, let's head out, pick up Montri then to....Sunway yes?"

"Sunway! Yeah."

It was times like these that brought him relief, being with those he cared about and where he felt he belong.

Mrs. Jasmine Lim!

Finally have my week cleared up with this final event. Billy and Jasmine's wedding! (yay)

Quite unfortunate that I couldn't attend their wedding ceremony, first off because I don't have my own pair of formal attire, and then because of some damsel in distress, Sylvia, that I really shouldn't get too close to. Anyways I really would've loved to attend a christian wedding for once. Good that I managed to get to her wedding dinner, and also a new addition to my mediocre collection of books while waiting for it to start. It was a rather cool night, despite being quite out of place because of the lack of acquaintances.

I met a Jason that painted a very very, very bleak picture of mechanical/civil engineering in the first few years of being in the industry and stuff. Adding to it that Chi Wei, now working in Singapore doing auditing earns RM 11,280 per month. What the crap? It is probably good to look at the potential jobs and pay I could get from a certain course, but it's so damn late into the Nott application now that I might as well just let it be, then probably reconsider it again in a few more months to see if I should switch disciplines.

That aside, the food was great, company was fine but still left me feeling a little lonely because of the different crowd. Too bad we only got a short chat with Jasmine before she had to leave, bride and groom must have been tired anyways. I should have said so much more, but only managed a "Yay! Congrats!" in the chaos of people leaving, wanting to take pics with them and clearing up the tables and stuff.

Have a happy life together guys! Lets see when little billies and jasmines start popping out hehe.

Well Sylvia on the other hand, had me busy in the afternoon, helping her look for her lost pen drive which held some important work. Why do people not make backups of their "important" data? Tough luck since the pen drive didn't come forth, she had to start her assignments all over (padan muka)...(remind self not to lose pen drive and to constantly make backups of important stuff)


She's also been getting rather close to me because of it, too close. I might have known her for at least a year already but going out, then losing your pen drive and then suddenly calling me every few hours because you're sad and need my help/to talk to, is just, odd. Not to mention having all of that happen within 3 days, it is just plain scary (i honestly can't find a way to put it). Apparently she's quite used to being like that to everyone so I guess I'll let it pass, so long as she doesn't get any closer than just friends.

Now to start figuring out what to pack, half my work's done for me since I barely unpacked my suitcase from that stint in Sydney. Just some tweaks here and there and my wardrobe should be set. Then there's the bed and toiletries. Probably going on the 22nd to move some stuff over first or maybe move in for good. It's a 1 hour drive to Semenyih, but hell does it beat a 7 hour flight to Sydney, so I'm not that much worried about stuff to bring. Having a car is awesome.

Topher.

Into Dark

Every night has been long for me these few, err, weeks? It gets rather annoying when you try to get to bed earlier than usual and find that all you just did was lie down for 3 hours. Worse, uni might be starting soon and because of this I keep waking really late near the afternoon. Not exactly when classes tend to start.

Right now it's about 4AM in the morning, Mazzy Star's "Into Dust" is playing on loop (love it for its serene/surreal kinda sound), and I'm here blogging after a long hiatus. Just temporarily gave up on the idea of putting my life to paper...in this case, the internet. It gets rather impersonal then doesn't it? And I like my stuff personal, what more than my life's story. Then again, I don't exactly keep a diary. (hmm...now how the hell do I "privatize" my blog)

I kind of enjoy the night time peace. It's black with hints of dim light spilling in from the 2 windows in my room, even more so dimmed by the overhanging curtains till it's got that awesome shade of light outlining it's sides. I find trivial images/scenes like that quite nice. Then there are the sounds, crickets that utterly just get shunned to background noise (meh...typical) and the absence of those irritating car/bike engines passing by every once in a while is a welcomed feature of the night. Playing "Into Dust" just adds to the whole vibe thing. I like quiet, peaceful nights.

Which is also why I can't ever stop thinking about stuff, random stuff every night and that keeps me from drifting off into Neverland.

On a side note, I finally got a reply from the Nottingham University Malaysia's admin board. Saying my application is "now being actively processed" and that they will (hopefully) get back to me within 10 days. So that's September 9 + 10 = 19th September and I was told that enrollment starts on the 20th of Sept. That took long enough (I sent my application in almost 2 weeks ago), and provided everything goes to plan I will have at least a week before classes start. Let's hope it does.

Wait, accommodation.

p.s. so much to write, so little idea what i should.

Sing for me, key - your dearest aunt.

Look at me, and listen close
So I can tell you how I feel before I go
Just a year, it's not much time
For me to show you
I am proud that you are mine
I wish I had known
The future in my heart was just about to start


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
And I'll give you the words
Just sing for me


Every lock, on every door
I put them there
To try and hide you from the world
And you kicked, yeah you screamed
You never understood you're everything to me
I just hope you know
The future in your heart is just about to start


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
I'll give you the words
Just sing for me


No looking back when I am gone
Follow your heart its never wrong
No looking back when I am gone
Don't second guess the note you're on


Out of time, all out of fight
You are the only thing in life that I got right


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
I'll give you the words
Just sing for me

Just close your eyes
And sing for me
Just close your eyes
And sing for me

This was something I just had to do, even being at work now and just logging onto Blogger should be illegal. (alright fine i'm slacking :P)

Why this song?

The song is written from the perspective of Key's terminally ill aunt, Aunt Stephanie, who was mentioned in "Rock Star Land", another song of Yellowcard's. (source : Alternative Press)

Unfortunately that was all I got from online sources, I'd probably have to buy the magazine to get the full story.

One reason why I have Yellowcard in my favourites is because they write songs with meaning, be it for someone or because of someone. This is what makes their songs just beautiful in design, these songs that touch the heart and soul.

- Topher

p.s. Oh and when I get a pet someday I'll name it Theo :3 (got that name from a typo when trying to type out thetophertimes, it came out as theophertimes lol)

Illusions

I've probably been hoping for too much. So yeah, have to remind myself to forget about it, get on without it playing on my mind, after all its not gonna happen anyway. Give me a miracle then I'd reconsider :/

Will probably have some farewell party soon, not sure who i'm going to invite. Tried coming up with a list, ended up being barely 10 people. Just shows how little people I know nowadays, barely a handful. Well, 2 hands. Not even sure of its purpose, i'm not really a fan of celebrations/farewells, or plainly being the center of things. Almost a decade of my life I've lived without a single celebration involving myself. Gotten really used to it, good at it.

Gotta go. Till then.

- Topher

Just got back from swimming, I officially declare that it really calms my mind, at least I like to think so. Going to try swimming at least twice a week from now, gradually increasing the frequency.

Love playing music too, but its been pretty boring lately, I want to play what they(Trace Bundy, Ben Konstantinovic) play (they're friggin' awesome!! O_O). But I just am not that good I suppose.

- Topher