Mrs. Jasmine Lim!

Finally have my week cleared up with this final event. Billy and Jasmine's wedding! (yay)

Quite unfortunate that I couldn't attend their wedding ceremony, first off because I don't have my own pair of formal attire, and then because of some damsel in distress, Sylvia, that I really shouldn't get too close to. Anyways I really would've loved to attend a christian wedding for once. Good that I managed to get to her wedding dinner, and also a new addition to my mediocre collection of books while waiting for it to start. It was a rather cool night, despite being quite out of place because of the lack of acquaintances.

I met a Jason that painted a very very, very bleak picture of mechanical/civil engineering in the first few years of being in the industry and stuff. Adding to it that Chi Wei, now working in Singapore doing auditing earns RM 11,280 per month. What the crap? It is probably good to look at the potential jobs and pay I could get from a certain course, but it's so damn late into the Nott application now that I might as well just let it be, then probably reconsider it again in a few more months to see if I should switch disciplines.

That aside, the food was great, company was fine but still left me feeling a little lonely because of the different crowd. Too bad we only got a short chat with Jasmine before she had to leave, bride and groom must have been tired anyways. I should have said so much more, but only managed a "Yay! Congrats!" in the chaos of people leaving, wanting to take pics with them and clearing up the tables and stuff.

Have a happy life together guys! Lets see when little billies and jasmines start popping out hehe.

Well Sylvia on the other hand, had me busy in the afternoon, helping her look for her lost pen drive which held some important work. Why do people not make backups of their "important" data? Tough luck since the pen drive didn't come forth, she had to start her assignments all over (padan muka)...(remind self not to lose pen drive and to constantly make backups of important stuff)


She's also been getting rather close to me because of it, too close. I might have known her for at least a year already but going out, then losing your pen drive and then suddenly calling me every few hours because you're sad and need my help/to talk to, is just, odd. Not to mention having all of that happen within 3 days, it is just plain scary (i honestly can't find a way to put it). Apparently she's quite used to being like that to everyone so I guess I'll let it pass, so long as she doesn't get any closer than just friends.

Now to start figuring out what to pack, half my work's done for me since I barely unpacked my suitcase from that stint in Sydney. Just some tweaks here and there and my wardrobe should be set. Then there's the bed and toiletries. Probably going on the 22nd to move some stuff over first or maybe move in for good. It's a 1 hour drive to Semenyih, but hell does it beat a 7 hour flight to Sydney, so I'm not that much worried about stuff to bring. Having a car is awesome.

Topher.

Into Dark

Every night has been long for me these few, err, weeks? It gets rather annoying when you try to get to bed earlier than usual and find that all you just did was lie down for 3 hours. Worse, uni might be starting soon and because of this I keep waking really late near the afternoon. Not exactly when classes tend to start.

Right now it's about 4AM in the morning, Mazzy Star's "Into Dust" is playing on loop (love it for its serene/surreal kinda sound), and I'm here blogging after a long hiatus. Just temporarily gave up on the idea of putting my life to paper...in this case, the internet. It gets rather impersonal then doesn't it? And I like my stuff personal, what more than my life's story. Then again, I don't exactly keep a diary. (hmm...now how the hell do I "privatize" my blog)

I kind of enjoy the night time peace. It's black with hints of dim light spilling in from the 2 windows in my room, even more so dimmed by the overhanging curtains till it's got that awesome shade of light outlining it's sides. I find trivial images/scenes like that quite nice. Then there are the sounds, crickets that utterly just get shunned to background noise (meh...typical) and the absence of those irritating car/bike engines passing by every once in a while is a welcomed feature of the night. Playing "Into Dust" just adds to the whole vibe thing. I like quiet, peaceful nights.

Which is also why I can't ever stop thinking about stuff, random stuff every night and that keeps me from drifting off into Neverland.

On a side note, I finally got a reply from the Nottingham University Malaysia's admin board. Saying my application is "now being actively processed" and that they will (hopefully) get back to me within 10 days. So that's September 9 + 10 = 19th September and I was told that enrollment starts on the 20th of Sept. That took long enough (I sent my application in almost 2 weeks ago), and provided everything goes to plan I will have at least a week before classes start. Let's hope it does.

Wait, accommodation.

p.s. so much to write, so little idea what i should.

Sing for me, key - your dearest aunt.

Look at me, and listen close
So I can tell you how I feel before I go
Just a year, it's not much time
For me to show you
I am proud that you are mine
I wish I had known
The future in my heart was just about to start


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
And I'll give you the words
Just sing for me


Every lock, on every door
I put them there
To try and hide you from the world
And you kicked, yeah you screamed
You never understood you're everything to me
I just hope you know
The future in your heart is just about to start


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
I'll give you the words
Just sing for me


No looking back when I am gone
Follow your heart its never wrong
No looking back when I am gone
Don't second guess the note you're on


Out of time, all out of fight
You are the only thing in life that I got right


Say tomorrow, I can't follow you there
Just close your eyes and sing for me
I will hear you, Always near you
I'll give you the words
Just sing for me

Just close your eyes
And sing for me
Just close your eyes
And sing for me

This was something I just had to do, even being at work now and just logging onto Blogger should be illegal. (alright fine i'm slacking :P)

Why this song?

The song is written from the perspective of Key's terminally ill aunt, Aunt Stephanie, who was mentioned in "Rock Star Land", another song of Yellowcard's. (source : Alternative Press)

Unfortunately that was all I got from online sources, I'd probably have to buy the magazine to get the full story.

One reason why I have Yellowcard in my favourites is because they write songs with meaning, be it for someone or because of someone. This is what makes their songs just beautiful in design, these songs that touch the heart and soul.

- Topher

p.s. Oh and when I get a pet someday I'll name it Theo :3 (got that name from a typo when trying to type out thetophertimes, it came out as theophertimes lol)

Illusions

I've probably been hoping for too much. So yeah, have to remind myself to forget about it, get on without it playing on my mind, after all its not gonna happen anyway. Give me a miracle then I'd reconsider :/

Will probably have some farewell party soon, not sure who i'm going to invite. Tried coming up with a list, ended up being barely 10 people. Just shows how little people I know nowadays, barely a handful. Well, 2 hands. Not even sure of its purpose, i'm not really a fan of celebrations/farewells, or plainly being the center of things. Almost a decade of my life I've lived without a single celebration involving myself. Gotten really used to it, good at it.

Gotta go. Till then.

- Topher

Just got back from swimming, I officially declare that it really calms my mind, at least I like to think so. Going to try swimming at least twice a week from now, gradually increasing the frequency.

Love playing music too, but its been pretty boring lately, I want to play what they(Trace Bundy, Ben Konstantinovic) play (they're friggin' awesome!! O_O). But I just am not that good I suppose.

- Topher

Gradually it happens, comes, maybe goes.

The second university semester actually starts near the end of July, that is about 3 more months away. I have got plenty not done and still slow going, just wished I had an instruction manual to guide me through everything. Too bad it isn't that simple.

I don't know what awaits me to be honest (okay who does?). I can't really find the proper scene to place into the jigsaw puzzle in my head. Not really sure what will happen to put it simply. I think I've also quite ran out of hope for anything. Right now as one would quote William Shakespeare, "Life is but a walking shadow". I haven't found anything real to look forward to. Pretty dangerous from a military standpoint, not knowing and not deciding upon anything. Maybe ignorance is bliss but to me it's hell, closer to something of being unsure, and letting whatever currents guide me. Out of control. It sucks really.

I can't find that much reason to continue writing on a blog too, though I still try to just for the heck of it. Quite envy those who can write countless entries, about almost anything and everything. I guess senses have yet to discover euphoria, so I cant really find things to talk about. Probably when I start being more independent I should.

A word most fitting to be the title should be "Lost" though. But it would be a little too blasé don't ya think? The current title could very well be my lousy attempt at making it sound complex, sophisticated. Nevermind, it is.

I feel like changing the layout and title of this blog, to what I have yet to decide but that merlin avatar has to go as well.

- Topher

Views, and to not have any.

I've noticed that I can usually cause conflicts from what I say. My viewpoint against some of my friends. It shouldn't be a problem really, but sometimes views may not necessarily be just that. It can result into something nasty most of the time. Probably even jeopardize a few relationships.

So I've decided that for the sake of everyone I know that I'll try not to voice out my views on things - at least until they ask. Keep them to those who think alike me, see things the way I do. That way at least I will not have any more "debates" or arguments with anyone.

Sorry to those I have offended in the past. Those were my points of view and I should have just accepted what the other was. Right or wrong it isn't for either to decide but life itself. Live it the way you want it, and I will live it the way I do.

WIll try my best :D

- Topher

Lets just see how it goes..

It implies that there are somethings that are out of our control, even maybe the existence of fate/destiny, which is quite absurd that it came from me. "Lets just see how it goes", isn't that similar to what religions mean when they tell us to leave it to that higher power?

Nevertheless, it's certainly a good way to get some sort of burden off our shoulders, either let time or deity do something instead.

Well time really does do its work, its the 3rd month now and I've only got till June/July before i fly off to Syd. Haven't even paid my deposit yet so there's no guarantee i'll have a place there, dumb mistake to make since i got the offer way ahead of time but didn't read the conditions. If i don't get a place there will it be fate playing its part? Cause if i ain't going to Syd there's only one other place i'd be going, Nottingham Malaysia. Which isn't that bad really, since i get to stay here, plus get a chance to transfer to the UK or maybe Canada after one year through.

Honestly i've been finding it hard to put stuff onto my blog cause i'm afraid it might mess up a few things. Not like i'm expected to put stuff here anyway. So yeah, been drafting my posts a lot and not publishing anything new cause, wellllll its a blog of thoughts lol, and some thoughts, aren't suitable, or may cause a few misunderstandings. (which brings this to mind, wth happened to NI?)

Been working for my dad for quite a while now, been lonely, bored, the gang only goes out during the weekends and thats only on some weekends, so most of the week i'm left with just my work, stuff i need and am supposed to do, games and plenty of thoughts playing out in my mind. I'm pretty sure its a disease - this constant stream of thoughts lol, been hard for me to "phase out" into some "nothing box". bleh. Probably comes with some fancy name too ._.

Even now i'm trying to keep some stuff unsaid. So much for blogging my thoughts out x_x
Oh but there's one thing i need and really want to post up here, its that i really really suck at drawing xD and yes i've been practicing, its just so damn frustrating seeing each stroke erased again and again :/

I think i've better be done with this post right here, so there ya go, till next time.

-Topher