Gradually it happens, comes, maybe goes.

The second university semester actually starts near the end of July, that is about 3 more months away. I have got plenty not done and still slow going, just wished I had an instruction manual to guide me through everything. Too bad it isn't that simple.

I don't know what awaits me to be honest (okay who does?). I can't really find the proper scene to place into the jigsaw puzzle in my head. Not really sure what will happen to put it simply. I think I've also quite ran out of hope for anything. Right now as one would quote William Shakespeare, "Life is but a walking shadow". I haven't found anything real to look forward to. Pretty dangerous from a military standpoint, not knowing and not deciding upon anything. Maybe ignorance is bliss but to me it's hell, closer to something of being unsure, and letting whatever currents guide me. Out of control. It sucks really.

I can't find that much reason to continue writing on a blog too, though I still try to just for the heck of it. Quite envy those who can write countless entries, about almost anything and everything. I guess senses have yet to discover euphoria, so I cant really find things to talk about. Probably when I start being more independent I should.

A word most fitting to be the title should be "Lost" though. But it would be a little too blasé don't ya think? The current title could very well be my lousy attempt at making it sound complex, sophisticated. Nevermind, it is.

I feel like changing the layout and title of this blog, to what I have yet to decide but that merlin avatar has to go as well.

- Topher

Views, and to not have any.

I've noticed that I can usually cause conflicts from what I say. My viewpoint against some of my friends. It shouldn't be a problem really, but sometimes views may not necessarily be just that. It can result into something nasty most of the time. Probably even jeopardize a few relationships.

So I've decided that for the sake of everyone I know that I'll try not to voice out my views on things - at least until they ask. Keep them to those who think alike me, see things the way I do. That way at least I will not have any more "debates" or arguments with anyone.

Sorry to those I have offended in the past. Those were my points of view and I should have just accepted what the other was. Right or wrong it isn't for either to decide but life itself. Live it the way you want it, and I will live it the way I do.

WIll try my best :D

- Topher

Lets just see how it goes..

It implies that there are somethings that are out of our control, even maybe the existence of fate/destiny, which is quite absurd that it came from me. "Lets just see how it goes", isn't that similar to what religions mean when they tell us to leave it to that higher power?

Nevertheless, it's certainly a good way to get some sort of burden off our shoulders, either let time or deity do something instead.

Well time really does do its work, its the 3rd month now and I've only got till June/July before i fly off to Syd. Haven't even paid my deposit yet so there's no guarantee i'll have a place there, dumb mistake to make since i got the offer way ahead of time but didn't read the conditions. If i don't get a place there will it be fate playing its part? Cause if i ain't going to Syd there's only one other place i'd be going, Nottingham Malaysia. Which isn't that bad really, since i get to stay here, plus get a chance to transfer to the UK or maybe Canada after one year through.

Honestly i've been finding it hard to put stuff onto my blog cause i'm afraid it might mess up a few things. Not like i'm expected to put stuff here anyway. So yeah, been drafting my posts a lot and not publishing anything new cause, wellllll its a blog of thoughts lol, and some thoughts, aren't suitable, or may cause a few misunderstandings. (which brings this to mind, wth happened to NI?)

Been working for my dad for quite a while now, been lonely, bored, the gang only goes out during the weekends and thats only on some weekends, so most of the week i'm left with just my work, stuff i need and am supposed to do, games and plenty of thoughts playing out in my mind. I'm pretty sure its a disease - this constant stream of thoughts lol, been hard for me to "phase out" into some "nothing box". bleh. Probably comes with some fancy name too ._.

Even now i'm trying to keep some stuff unsaid. So much for blogging my thoughts out x_x
Oh but there's one thing i need and really want to post up here, its that i really really suck at drawing xD and yes i've been practicing, its just so damn frustrating seeing each stroke erased again and again :/

I think i've better be done with this post right here, so there ya go, till next time.

-Topher